Trillion Dollar Welfare

We're certain that you have seen the recent flap about Ms. Nadya Suleman, from whose loins recently sprung a brood of eight premature babies. We extend our condolences to the people of California, whose tax-dollars will go toward the bill Ms. Suleman's fourteen children are piling up.

Honestly, we have to agree with the more negative views of Ms. Suleman's irresistable urge to breed: she is patently unable to feed and care for her previous six children, much less the additional eight. She should never have had any children, since she is unwilling or unable to work. If we were more impolitic, the term 'welfare queen' would come to mind. Thomas Malthus never seems quite so right...

But, we really must protest about Ms. Suleman's unfair treatment. Or rather, the unfair treatment of the bankers, the car companies, and the United States Government. Ms. Suleman's spawn will cost California tens of millions of dollars... but the unspeakable excesses of Wall Street and other scams are costing trillions, not to mention the integrity of the entire world banking system.

Let us be perfectly honest: Ms. Suleman is a leach, sucking money from productive people so that she can breed; Mr. Ben Bernanke, Mr. Bernard Madoff, Messrs. Timothy Geithner and Hank Paulson, Jr., and the rest of that lot... they are worse that leaches. They -- the Investorati -- are internal parasites, consuming everything of value from within, leaving only a dead husk behind.

Ms. Suleman rightly deserves the scorn she is receiving. But the Investorati deserve far, far worse than what she is getting. A sense of proportion must be kept in matters of welfare and bailouts; TARP and the $787 billion stimulus package is welfare of a grander scale than anything Ms. Suleman could ever absorb. American citizens should be rightly offended by Ms. Suleman, and frothing with pure rage at the bailouts.